EXPOSED: Totally secret transcript of a recording of some proceedings in some hellish Capitaland Office, no lie.

EXPOSED: Totally secret transcript of a recording of some proceedings in some hellish Capitaland Office, no lie.

“Ta-da!”

“What is that? …it smells a bit… familiar. And unpleasant.”

“The model. For the new mall, ION.”

“It’s a turd, isn’t it? A whole bunch of turds glommed into a thing, which you have brought in on a piece of plywood.”

“If you insist on being obtuse, yes.”

“What about the architects?”

“What about the whatwhatwhat? Huh?”

“Wouldn’t the architects we hired… object to being undercut by a giant, dried turd?”

“We only hire them to stick their names on the project anyway, make it atas. Who cares what they think? I’m the goddam Towkay.”

“Well, it is a turd. Why is it a turd?”

“It was so simple! It came to me one night as I was having Tiger and durians at the coffeeshop. The Esplanade is totally cool, right? What am I saying – it’s a goddam national icon. And it’s a giant durian. So, I thought, ‘I will design our new mall by eating lots of durian and shitting the results on a piece of wood.’ I started that very night.”

“Don’t you think the public might… notice?”

“Notice what?”

“That it’s a giant fucking turd. What else?”

“Of course not. I did the same thing with Vivocity, before you were hired.”

“…I see.”

“Anyway, their sad pathetic lives revolve around waiting for the next ludicrous mall we hurl in their faces. They fucking beg for it. So of course they’re not going to notice. Look at the Tampines Supercluster! Three practically identical malls, they eat it up and ask for second helpings. Anyway, this time we’ll distract them by covering it with bright, flashing lights.”

‘As always, sir, I bow to your superior experience. It reminds me of why I joined this industry; it’s such a worklife-balanced learning experience.”

“Synergising?”

“Synergising.”

“Ta-da!”

“What is that? …it smells a bit… familiar. And unpleasant.”

“The model. For the new mall, ION.”

“It’s a turd, isn’t it? A whole bunch of turds glommed into a thing, which you have brought in on a piece of plywood.”

“If you insist on being obtuse, yes.”

“What about the architects?”

“What about the whatwhatwhat? Huh?”

“Wouldn’t the architects we hired… object to being undercut by a giant, dried turd?”

“We only hire them to stick their names on the project anyway, make it atas. Who cares what they think? I’m the goddam Towkay.”

“Well, it is a turd. Why is it a turd?”

“It was so simple! It came to me one night as I was having Tiger and durians at the coffeeshop. The Esplanade is totally cool, right? What am I saying – it’s a goddam national icon. And it’s a giant durian. So, I thought, ‘I will design our new mall by eating lots of durian and shitting the results on a piece of wood.’ I started that very night.”

“Don’t you think the public might… notice?”

“Notice what?”

“That it’s a giant fucking turd. What else?”

“Of course not. I did the same thing with Vivocity, before you were hired.”

“…I see.”

“Anyway, their sad pathetic lives revolve around waiting for the next ludicrous mall we hurl in their faces. They fucking beg for it. So of course they’re not going to notice. Look at the Tampines Supercluster! Three practically identical malls, they eat it up and ask for second helpings. And Illuma – modelled after some horrible flesh-eating disease? No problem. Anyway, this time we’ll distract them by covering it with bright, flashing lights.”

“That is a good plan. As always, sir, I bow to your superior experience. It reminds me of why I joined this industry; it’s such a worklife-balanced learning experience.”

“Synergising?”

“Synergising.”